I got lost the second I hit Singapore.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Walt Disney Pictures













--WARNING: This review will contain some spoilers.--

Pirates of The Caribbean 3: At Sanity's Last Thread.

To begin with, how did this film escape an R-rating? There were whores getting shot in the head near the beginning, Keira Knightley's bare leg (not that I didn't enjoy it) at the end and upwards of 25 pirates being hung from gallows before the opening credits finished. Were children supposed to be slugging popcorn and slurping slushies during these segments, because I was literally sick to my stomach. Its only a matter of time before a young child can watch a person get sucked under a train right in front of them and all they do is giggle and continue sucking on their thumbs.

The method behind Captain Jack's madness served absolutely no purpose to this story only other than proving how seamless digital copies of Johnny Depps running around each other can look awesome. His angel and demon shoulder buddies made me want to return my Twizzlers to the candy stand, half-digested. I never expected a kid's film, let alone a Disney film, to examine every possible tangent the story could have gone. But POTC 3 surpassed their multiple-story, countless-undertone and mind-boggling finisher to a trilogy we thought was ending. But expect another trilogy to already be in the works, kids. The swaying of the ships didn't make me dizzy, the goddamned writers did.

The interlacing of stories and motives behind each person's actions failed miserably in my eyes. By the end of the film, you don't like any of the main characters, because throughout the story each of them has done something bad in order to get something good.

Bruckheimer has been known for his epic battle sequences and all-around big-boom finishers essential to any action/adventure piece. And while there are two huge sailing fleets awaiting orders, the main fight exists between ONLY two ships stuck in a maelstrom. Perhaps Brucks is turning over a new poetic leaf, but you head into almost every film these days with expectations, and mine were certainly NOT set high. Sadly enough, this film did not live upto it.

If I get up once to pee during a film, it is not holding my attention. By the end of this flick, I was gripping my pants, holding back a second trip to the boys' room in a vain attempt at wishing this movie would turn around in some exciting and understandable way. At least I didn't wet my pants.



Pirates of the Caribbean 3 is available to own on DVD starting December 4th, 2007.